The physical evidence is NOT my spiritual reality
It seems many times in my walk with God that I go through trials and tribulations with opposition from within. Within my own circle of friends and family.
It is a battle between the physical and spiritual. Even close friends and relatives can find themselves focusing on what they see, feel, and worldly understanding. (this is human and we all do it at times!)
But when I am struggling to keep in the spiritual approach this is hard. The examples are numerous and I have learned when in the greatest battles I cannot be around those who (with good intentions) continually want me to see my error and focus on the physical.
Like Jesus when He rebuked his close disciple. The disciple was thinking physical and not spiritually. Mark 8:33 But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter. "Get behind me, Satan!" he said. "You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns."
Job and his friends saw God at the crutch of all that was happening. All but one of Jobs friends did not see what God was doing for Job but still they all knew that was happening was from God or allowed by God and that God was the focus. It was not that Job had boils because he did not eat right or that he lost his flocks due to poor management of the estate.
No! It was from God and God was teaching a life lesson.
Job did not get back his wealth or have more kids because of some human effort either. Job received double back because God gave them all back in His time after the lesson was learned!
So it is with my latest trial. I was standing in my kitchen putting away some fresh foods from a local farmers market. As I put the last item in the fridge I felt my body staring to go limp and my left side failed me. I was still partially alert as I slid gently to the floor. I felt no pain. I had no control. I was silently speaking Gods name for help. At first I could not move. I prayed for help to get up, step over a dog fence ( I keep a dog fence in the kitchen so the dogs can not go into the living room.) and get to the couch where my phone was.
I then slowly go up, stepped over the fence and onto the couch. Where again my left leg had no feeling or ability to move. I called my son. My son and daughter are spiritually minded over physical. I needed this! We determined I should wait a bit. But get checked out. Again no pain and I could think fine. I then called a neighbor to come over. When they were there I had them get me two aspirin. After waiting some more I could stand with help. They drove me to the coquille hospital to be checked out.
Besides a high blood pressure the doctor on duty said he really could not say what happened but said he would write down TIA (Transient ischemic attack) or they call it pre heart attack.
I had a complete blood test twice, and a brain scan. Then sent home. Told to take aspirin daily. And get a full check up later.
That is the PHYSICAL.
At first I was fine. Then after a couple days I was feeling anxious. Overwhelmed. Thankfully God set up everything in that my daughter asked her boss for time off. I did not ask her to come but I (for the first time in my entire life) was Not wanting to be alone. However, I did not want someone who would be physically minded. I needed strong spiritual help. My son and daughter as well as My mom were asked to pray. Plus my daughter did come down when she asked if I wanted her too.
Before talking about the spiritual Remember Satan holds sway over the whole world! He attacks our minds and thoughts. Actions follow thoughts. ALL humanity is influenced by his thinking, attitudes and actions. We who are God’s children have to constantly battle for right thoughts. Eh 6:12 Paul warns that we must constantly struggle against unseen spiritual influences. And it is this that I battle. The tug of the world against what I KNOW is spiritual not physical. It masks itself as my health (physical) but this is a spiritual battle!
If I had stayed and listened to the doctors and well meaning friends I do not think I could have endured. I want and I must keep the spiritual in front and foremost with physical second.
At this point I have left behind my home, all my belongings except for what I could get in one Honda civic. That being three dogs, small bag of clothes, some of my “wares’ that are for sale on Etsy to sell for income. I left August 28th. This is October 11 today as I write.
When I left I was having debilitating episodes of anxiety or what seemed to be anxiety.
I believe wholeheartedly these are attacks from satan and the dark spirits of this world. Why do I think this? for one I see it happening to others around me without reason or normalcy.
God has allowed this to work endurance and faith in me. I battles this war between physical evidence and spiritual reality. I have never felt God was not with me. I have never felt afraid of simple things in life. Not in those close to me who died or moving or anything. But I had fear. Fear of collapsing again, fear of unknown, etc. thus fear to be alone. Fear is NOT OF GOD. This fear meant I had to battle. When these episodes came upon me I was doing all I could to focus on God, His word, the present. It took a month and I still have very minor ones but not anywhere near what I felt on the way up here to moms. I also take a herbal that relaxes the muscles and it stays off the attacks too and helps me sleep. If needed. I take less that half a dose. Have not taken any past couple days.
I am also (due to my mothers love of cooking and her fresh garden produce) eating way different. Which let me inject here is VITAL to our spiritual health as well. For without a healthy body we cannot fight the spiritual battles coming upon us!
I never use to eat breakfast. Or much of one. I use to love a matcha green tea latte at home with cereal. Sometimes oatmeal. Yogurt. maybe one egg. or Peanut Butter toast.
I have been eating as much organic as I could for a few years. The breads, everything. Since I lost all my hair a couple years ago. Due to stress with my marriage and finances. I studied my autoimmune problems and ate accordingly. But still had items with sugar now and then each week and coffee drinks, mochas .
But since this collapse I am eating a lot of steamed vegetables for breakfast. One egg, and adding fresh ground spices. All for the effect they give the body and healing. I use the Amino spice from Braggs and spritz it on my food, cayenne pepper, cinnamon on my yogurt/desert (or apple sauce) ginger, and NO salt. unless sea salt in moderation. NO white sugar. NO white flour that is processed. Everything has to be organic. I eat no junk. I drink only chamomile teas, herbal teas, water, lots of water. No coffee etc right now.
Thus, I am 10 pounds lighter already. And have only minor if any signs of anxiousness. Goal is to lose 10 more pounds.
To add to my trial I have something going on with my left hip, back and knee. It could be a disk problem. Some days I can not go for a walk for exercise at all. The pain is so great I just can not. At first I could not sleep from the pain. But it is slightly better. I have no money to get a X-ray yet. But this too is NOT AS IT SEEMS. This is part of something bigger.
I firmly believe God has put me here. I am not to DO anything. I can not even run my online business much as for unknown reasons the internet does not work out here to run my computer that I type on now. It works sometimes but take up to one full day to email a small email. I use data usage from my phone and iPad which I cannot afford to run much. Plus lots of things I use to upload and work with are too big of files to do on anything but my computer so I can not right now. . Do you see a pattern? I have lost the ability to make a income, I have lost the health to do things except the most calm and simple things. I am as locked up to learn something.
When God looked on Job and Satan was listening, He said :
Job 1:7 And Jehovah said to Satan, From where do you come? Then Satan answered Jehovah and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.
Job 1:8 And Jehovah said to Satan, Have you set your heart against My servant Job, because there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and upright man, one who fears God and turns away from evil?
Job 1:9 And Satan answered Jehovah and said, Does Job fear God for nothing?
Job 1:10 Have You not made a hedge around him, and around his house, and around all that he has on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his livestock have increased in the land.
Job 1:11 But put forth Your hand now, and touch all that he has, and he will curse You to Your face.
Job 1:12 And Jehovah said to Satan, Behold, all that he has is in your power. Only do not lay your hand upon him. And Satan went forth from the presence of Jehovah.
So as the story goes Job was rich. He had many children and much in cattle, flocks etc. With permission from God, satan was allowed to take it all away except for Jobs life.
How did Job react at first?
Job 1:20 And Job arose, and tore his robe, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground and worshiped.
Job 1:21 And he said, I came naked out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return there. Jehovah gave, and Jehovah has taken away. Blessed be the name of Jehovah.
Job 1:22 In all this Job did not sin, nor charge God foolishly.
WHY did God allow this?
To continue to mold and teach Job. To finish his sculpting of Jobs character growth. It was all given back to him at the end. In time. It had a purpose. It was not meant to destroy Job. It was meant for his good, just as what I am going through is. (however I do not presume to be as righteous or faithful as Job!)
Again note that no one said to Job and Job did not say to him, All this is because I did not hire better managers of the flock or hire armies to protect them. Or that His children were lost because of something he did. Or did he seek doctors and physicians to heal his boils. No, they all already knew this came from God and just the why was not apparent at first. Job kept to the spiritual and knew God was in it.
my study program lists this comment:
SATAN AIMS AT A HIGH MARK
Job is introduced as a man of large possessions, highly honored by all who knew him, and of unimpeachable integrity toward God. His piety was specially evinced in the anxiety he experienced for his children, lest any of them should renounce or say farewell to God. What an example this is for parents! We should pray for each child by name, and, like Job, we should do so continually.
Satan is well called the Adversary, R.V., margin, because he opposes God and goodness. Compare Zec 3:1; Rev 12:10. He admits Job’s goodness, but challenges its motive. He suggests that it is by no means disinterested. Satan still considers the saints, and finds out their weak places and secret sins. But he has no power over us save by the divine permission, and if we are tempted, there is always available the needed supply of grace, 2Co 12:9.
And this commentary on when satan asked to hurt Job physically:
“AMONG THE ASHES”
It gives God deep pleasure when He can point to one of His servants who has borne fiery trial with unwavering patience and faith. The adversary comes back from his restless, ceaseless rounds, 1Pe 5:8; but there is one soul at least which has resisted his worst attacks. Observing Job, the principalities and powers in the heavenly places have learned that God can make a man love Him, not for His gifts, but for Himself, Eph 3:10.
The adversary suggests a severe test, and God permits it because he knows His child. A limit, however, is put upon the ordeal, 1Co 10:13, R.V. The story is very comforting, because we see that we are not the sport of chance, but in every detail our education is being carried out by our Father’s hand. Our dearest friends may advise us to renounce God and die, but in Gethsemane our Lord taught us to take the Father’s will at all costs-though it seem to spell death-sure that he will not leave us in the grave, Psa 16:10.
In closing then, I am surrendered. Let God’s plan unfold. I willing (though with battles of my mind) let God decide what to do with my home, all my art things, my kiln, my only means of income, and yes even my health is in His hands to do with as He knows is best. I Pray that I learn what is needed quickly. ;-) I do pray that my house sells and I can pay off the debts against it. I know God will provide for me. I have no power to do or have anything except by His love. His purpose. Easy to say, and not so easy to put into action of thought and deed.