I now pronounce you Husband and Wife

For many the search is done, the prayers answered and now you are married to the person you love the most. The perfect companion and you will live happily ever after.  Well, at least the fairy tales go like that.
If you are married or about to be married or expect to marry, do you know the cost?  Have you studied how God wants you to see marriage and what is your role in this union between man and wife?

I am greatly saddened how we are programed to believe about relationships in this world.  From as young as, what?  TEN girls are now dressing, acting like they are in a mating search.  Have you ever watched the funny ways birds and other animals act when it is time for mating?  The pomp and fluff is quite comical !  But why I feel  sad is because instead of people just enjoying being young they put all this effort and anxiety into having a serious relationship before they are ready.

Instead of learning  who they are as individuals, and the plans for their life they start going steady, or"hooking up"( for my older readers that means a night of sex but rarely any commitment.)

  Most shows do this all the time!  A couple who are physically attracted are portrayed,   so they go to bed together as soon as they meet!
 This is WRONG.  It is  no different than the animals of the wild and even some of them have better mating habits.  At least the geese mate for life and some others.   It is like we are going back to the stone age of "Me like you, we have sex now" mentality.  No thought of the future, the consequences. The unwanted children,  who then are neglected or abused. Or in our throw away world, just kill the baby before it is born.
My husband that died from the drunk driver, He wanted me to abort my pregnancy with him.  We were not married, but I refused.  My treasured son would not be alive today if I had did that.  Later Bob apologized to me for trying to get me to do that.  Once our son was born, he stole Bob's heart and Bob would have gave his life for him.  I guess in a way he did.  Babies are God's little treasures.  Life is precious.  This photo is my first grandchild from my son.  Another life that would not be here if I had aborted. 

What about waiting for sex.   What about finding all the things you really want to do in life.  I did it all wrong when I was young too.  I know what I am talking about, I KNOW the consequences of this route.
I actually went to my dad when I was about to graduate.  I wanted to go to college and study art and design.  It was my passion.  I also loved animals and loved training them. I wanted to live on a ranch and raise animals.  Arabians and herding dogs.

But My dad told me woman were to get married and have kids and stay at home.  He would not send me to college.  I SHOULD have gotten two jobs and worked my own way through college but sadly I did not.  I had sex outside of marriage, when I did marry I married for all the wrong reasons and my marriages failed.  Yes Marriages!  Not once or twice.  I had no instruction on living a life as God had planned.  I lived on feelings and let go of my dreams.
Photo of my dad and mom a few years after they were married.

Thankfully God has a instruction book for people.  Lets read what the Holy Word of God says about husband and wife in 1 Peter 3:

Wives Submission to Husbands

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.(respect) Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

Let me say that too many preachers in the past have used the words "submissive" to the end of dominance over woman.  Like some kind of slave.Or that woman is less than man.  NO where in the bible does it even hint of that!

This is NOT what this means dear children of God.  GOD wants man to LOVE and CARE for the wife.  Sarah obeyed her husbands lead.  She called him Lord, was Respectful of Him.  The word LORD here is the Greek word Kurios meaning one in Authority, and in control.  The LEADER.  A leader will lead with LOVE and make decisions for the rest of the family for their GOOD and not tear down or hurt.

Was Sarah perfect?  by all means NO, read the story.  She was human, and neither was Abraham perfect, again go Read for yourself the story but what they did have is what is lacking in todays marriages.  COMMITMENT to stay the course and not give up on each other! 

The wife is the husbands responsibility to provide a home, food, and all her needs.  Not all WANTS but needs.  
A woman is to love God so much she can fully trust GOD to fulfill these even if her husband is not a true follower of Christ and that in those times when the husband lacks the ability to provide the faithful wife will trust GOD to fulfill the rest!  I have personal experienced that many times.  My husband Bob who died from a drunk driver, had his own demons.  Many times I was left alone in alaska without him to chop the wood to heat the home, no money coming in etc etc. BUT every time God found a way to provide for my needs.  Every time.  I never went without warmth, food, love of friends and help when I needed it .
A woman is to work every day at keeping her home a good place for the family.  Her home is clean, her home has food, she provides the clothes by making them or buying at places the family can afford.  

In todays world most men and women work outside the home.  Some woman work at home and make extra money.  Thus many men and woman share the home duties as well as child care duties.  This is up to each family to decide who does what, but the wife is to be HELP to the husband not a burden. She will not spend more than they can afford. God wants a woman and man to train up their children in the way of God. This is a huge responsibility.  She will be faithful to her husband, she will do every single thing to help and encourage her husband in their goals as one unit.   She will not speak in negative downgrading ways to others about her husband.  To do so will destroy her own respect for him as well as others.  She must build him up and find the good in him.  To focus on his positive traits and remember that she herself, has many flaws so not judge her husband as less than her!  

A Word to Husbands

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker (or more fragile, some one who needs their strength) vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, betenderhearted, be courteous;[a] not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. 10 For
“He who would love life
And see good days,
Let him refrain his tongue from evil,
And his lips from speaking deceit.
11 Let him turn away from evil and do good;
Let him seek peace and pursue it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their prayers;
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”[b]

Men, God wants you to  understand that woman are not possessions.  That this woman you want to be your own is actually the treasured child of God and you are only accepting to care and love her while she is upon the earth.  You are held in high responsibility for her care and to lift her up when she is down. Find out what she likes, what her goals are before you ask to marry her.  Value her faith in God, respect it.  Do not assume everything you want and do in life is going to be the same as you.  Choose wisely for she is to be your help mate.  One to stand by you as you make wise and sometimes unwise decisions for you both. LISTEN to her advice, you do not have to do it, and you should not IF it is unwise but listen out of respect and love.  For believe it or not woman have great ideas too!  ;-)  They will see and understand things from a different perspective that is vital to decision making. 

I know this is getting long but I wanted to speak on What you ladies should consider before you marry, and you young men should ponder before you marry.  

1.  Are you ready to "give"  more than "get" in this relationship?  
2. If this person you want to marry were to be in a accident or something and was handicapped for life would you still love them so much and care for them?
3. What are the relatives like of this person you want to marry?  For whatever they are like you will have to deal with for the rest of their lives.
4. Can your partner deal responsibly with money, do they have goals for the finances and what are they? Do they match yours?
5. Do you plan on having children and if so how will they be raised?  What values?
6. If you are a believer is your partner?  If not you are heading for disaster, I KNOW! At the very least a tough road.
7. And the best advice I can give is that you DATE for at least six months before you even consider marriage.  Then go to a good christian marriage councilor for more advice.  By spending a lot of time together , many unseen things will become seen and you can better decide wether you will make ago.

8. Remember that No one is perfect, we just find the one person who's flaws we can live with, and that they can live with ours.  Be authentic, do not pretend to be someone you are not.  Do not give up your dreams and esp. do not give up God's plans for your life!  God always must come first.

My mom and dad at thanksgiving 2005.  Dad had cancer when this was taken.  They were married almost 60 yrs when he died a few years ago.  My mother is still alive and loved by all.  They had a long marriage but it was not without a lot of sacrifice and pain.  However the benefits far outweigh those! I love my dad and mom, for their values, their faithfulness to each other, their commitment, their lives have touched many to this day. The two became one and succeeded in life.  

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